The Social Network

Director: David Fincher

Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Justin Timberlake, Andrew Garfield

Genre: biopic, thriller?

Year: 2010

Running Time: exactly 2 hours.

Plot synopsis: A kid makes a website so that he can be CEO of it and make his girlfriend love him again, while some other kids try to steal the website, another kid sues him for not being his best friend anymore, and Justin Timberlake tries to be Tyler Durden.

Review: My hopes were so high for this movie. I had read all the rave reviews, and I really like David Fincher. And liking David Fincher is the only reason I can now see for the rave reviews. (Or maybe because it’s a movie about the latest marketing strategy that no one seems to fully understand yet, so folks don’t want to get left behind?) It’s almost as if he can do no wrong in the critics’ eyes. And honestly, I almost got sucked into that, too…and then I stopped for a second about 20 minutes into the movie and went, ‘Wait a second…this sucks!’

The story of how Facebook came to be is an interesting one. “Huh. I didn’t know a couple guys claimed they had the idea first, and I guess some of the inventor guy’s friends stopped liking him when the site was getting popular.” That’s it. That’s the interest level of this movie. I wish I could have read it as a piece of trivia on a 2015 daily calendar when Facebook is a Myspace ghost town. Then I would have been spared the atrocious acting (I mean, I know college kids are dumb, but if they were their own race, they’d have sued this movie), the worst screen-writing ever (‘I’m 6’5, 220 pounds, and there’s two of me’), and most of all…and I mean most of all…Andrew Garfield’s Golden Globe-nominated performance in which he alternates every scene between drawing inspiration from the kid who played the head flying elf on The Santa Clause, and a child on the verge of tears in K-mart because their big brother stole their lollipop…or in this case, their social network. (Oh, see what I did there? Yep.)

On the good side, David Fincher’s moody direction does not disappoint. Except that in a gutless screenplay such as this one, the moodiness starts to seem like desperation rather than style. Also, Jesse Eisenberg plays his role very well. Unlike…well…everyone else. And maybe I’m just jealous that I don’t have a Golden Globe. But still…do you need a Golden Globe to recognize dramatized drivel? But ya, if I’m completely honest with myself, I still would’ve loved to have been in this movie. I still would’ve thought it sucked, and all the moreso for me being in it, but at least I would’ve had, you know, money to help cheer me up. 😉

Watch for:

• The number of scenes in which Andrew Garfield almost cries.
• Jesse Eisenberg making the lines sound witty and true to character, and all the other actors trying so very hard to make each line ‘epic.’
• Justin Timberlake getting so excited at the prospect of working with David Fincher, that he obviously went out and bought Fight Club…for some reason thinking that the Napster guy should be portrayed like a ’90’s boy band version of Brad Pitt. He should not.
• Douglas Urbanski, a producer, basically handing it acting-wise to every other actor in the movie.
• And these lines. For this very special movie, we’re going to create a very special quotes section. This is just amazing. Ladies and gentleman, the Golden Globe-winning movie for best screenplay:

-You think you know me, don’t you?
-I’ve read enough.
-You know how much I’ve read about you?
-Nothing…

–Mark!
-He’s wired in.
-I’m sorry?
-He’s wired in.
(smashes computer) -What about now? Are you wired in now?

-This is gonna be like I’m not a part of Facebook.
-It won’t be like you’re not a part of Facebook. You’re not a part of Facebook.
-My name’s on the masthead.
–You might wanna check again.

And, my favorite. I think I remember writing a line similar to this in a third grade creative writing assignment. Although to be fair, it did win me three gold stars:

-I like standing next to you, Sean. Makes me look so tough.

Oh, and that’s all from one scene. Yep.

Film or Movie: Movie.

Popcorn Factor: Eh…the actual real-life story of Facebook is intriguing, and Jesse Eisenberg has some good lines, so maybe. If you’re a big David Fincher fan (Fight Club, Seven, Benjamin Button), you’ll probably get a kick out of the direction as well.

Buy It: Let’s not.

Rent It: Again, maybe if you’re a Fincher fan. Although he didn’t direct his actors very well. Or for a good laugh. We actually watched the whole thing because we were having so much fun not believing how the next stupid line kept topping the last stupid line.

‘At what stage of the process? Contemplative?’
Karl.

(So much sadness.)