The Island of Dr. Moreau

Director: John Frankenheimer

Starring: Marlon Brando, Val Kilmer, David Thewlis, Ron Perlman

Genre: Psychological Thriller?

Year: 1996

Running Time: about 45 minutes……or, at least that’s all I made it through

Plot synopsis: Marlon Brando breeds a new species of half humans/half animals, but then thinks better of his decision to appear in this movie, and improvises hilarious lines that have nothing to do with whatever plot this movie tried to have.

Review: Wow. It’s rare that I turn a movie off. I mean, even if it’s bad, there’s colors moving on the screen, and I can always go buy more string cheese, right? I hate this movie because it made me a liar. Major spoiler alert, but I shut this movie off at about the 45 minute mark, after both Marlon Brando’s character and Val Kilmer’s character, were killed off. I mean, seriously! Watching those guys improvise lines and tongue-in-cheek make fun of the film is the only reason to watch it…and then they’re gone. Who kills off Val Kilmer and Marlon Brando, and then films 45 more minutes of mutant animal/humans running through jungles? Alright, David Thewlis was still in it, but he barely counts. One of those movies that defies the physical laws of the world we live in. As in, ‘How is this possibly on my screen right now.’

Watch for:

• Val Kilmer doing the best Marlon Brando impression I’ve ever heard.
• Brando being Brando. Nothing like it, even in a movie like this.
• the amount of time the camera spends on mutant animals (dudes in horrible costumes) running through the jungle. Just running. I think I lost count at about 7 hours.
• that’s actually it. Seriously. I know.

Film or Movie: Movie.

Popcorn Factor: Until (Spoilers!) Brando gets killed off.

Buy It: Yes. It is every person’s civic duty to own every Marlon Brando movie ever made. Don’t bother me with whether that is true or not. It makes me happy.

Rent It: No. Buy it. See above.

‘I don’t think they’d let someone like me carry a gun.’
Karl.

(No, no. This isn’t the ’60’s version. Those are the actual 1996 costumes.)